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My story |
| april, 1999 | |
| I am a Dutch student, 25 Years old, and having a depression for approximately 1 year now. Last months it is getting better and better. Due to an improved sleep and I think, my use of herbs and vitamins etc. I had insomnia for +/- 4 months, I really try everything to stop it, but could not found the right solution for a long period. Last year was one ofthe worst in my life till now, I guess... It started when I had to move from my appartment. Having trouble finding a student-house where I could stay permanently, I moved four times from temporary place to temporary place, which is finally over now. It made me feeling very frustrated, I started getting all sorts of fears, feeling minor etc. Trying to excape the problems, I went to dancing’s in the weekend, entering my bed often at 4 or 5 O'clock in the morning. I think that was when the depression started in may 1998. I didn't realize that at that moment. I felt horrible waking up in the morning <was it really waking up ?> and my mind felt like being in grey cloud. It seemed that I lost the capacity to feel emotions, I could not be happy, have fun, feel sad or even be surprised. although I have a lot of friends, I felt cut-off socially, because I could not share the feelings others have when they are together. In the summer of 1998 I went to my parents house, and I finally could release my stress a little and for more relaxed. I got new hope, and with a big amount of courage I re-organized my life. I stopped with going out till late in the morning, started sporting, yoga and swimming. In September 1998 the academic year started again, when I thought the problems where over, the insomnia started after one big birthday party which ended late in the morning. In the beginning I thought that problems would come over, but it only worsened. I went to the doctor and he recomended a regular chemical sleeping pill which I took for two weeks, I slept very good in this period, but after stopping taking the pill the old problem returned. I went to a new doctor and she told, that I had to find the cause of my problems, instead of taking these chemics. I went to a psychiatrist, but I I hadn't the feeling he really helped me, although I started writing down my thoughts, and my problems. I used all sorts of herb-teas, the common ways of solving sleep problems, like using warm milk, do yoga practise, listening to easy listening music, etc. but none of these really worked for me. I also tried a brainwave program, and I still doubt it's working stimulating my mind finding the right sleeping frequencies, although it helped a few times. Last months I have used melatonin, in a 0.3mg dosage once a day at eleven o'clock in the evening. This was one of the keys for the return of my sleep I guess. I also write in a diary every evening and I practise Yoga before entering my bed. The depression is still slumbering in my head, nevertheless I feel much, much better these last weeks !!!! |
